For a lifetime

Some Sunday mornings, we sing Hosanna, with the line "Break my heart for what breaks yours Everything I am for your kingdom's cause As I walk from earth into eternity".  Missions, while always life-changing, can leave us changed like we never imagined.  This is from Bethany's diary from the May trip to S.E. Asia....

Thursday May 15th

I don't ever want to forget the faces I have seen here. The Muslim girls at the school. The Muslim teacher. The boy from the clinic, the baby with "my own skin", the owner of the home and her beautiful grandbabies, and of course, our amazing driver! I have fallen in love with their beautiful smiling faces and tears stroll down my face as I recount our meetings and think about how they each moved me. I hope to see them again soon. If not next year in their homeland, then I pray that the Holy Spirit moved in them during our visit and I will see them in Heaven when the good Lord takes his people home.

Friday May 16th

The medical clinic was (for me) emotionally exhausting. There were more visible signs of sickness and that topped with the emotion from the entire week caused me to break down. I was sitting on the floor staring at this mother cradling her baby as he slept so peacefully. From the bottom of his feet to the top of his neck was infected with scabies and scars covered his little body. And he was asleep!!! He knew crying wasn't going to stop the itching and he knew there was nothing his mother could do. After they left, I couldn't hold it in any longer. I just started to cry....with a room full of patients....this little white girl was just crying on the floor. Everyone was staring but I couldn't stop it. I just wanted to run out of the house. I could feel my heart tearing apart...ripping into two. I ached all over.

Saturday May 17th

I felt like I was going crazy in those few minutes. I finally blurted out 'I think I'm having a panic attack.' Judy said these feelings are normal. Jennifer mentioned feeling a little depressed. So what do I do? How do I cope? I feel like I need a xanax. I cried as I left the hotel. I buried my head into my mothers chest and just cried. I didn't want to leave. I wanted to see everyone one last time. Even as I sit here in this hot airport, I see men who came all this way just to surf!! Did they notice the people? The poverty? The desperate need for clean water? Probably not. I'm sure they saw beautiful beaches and sweet waves. I'm sure they sipped their tropical beverages with sand between their toes. It's hard for me not to be so cynical. They virtually have no clue what's outside their world. I have been shaken. Shaken to my very core. I don't know if I like it. I have such a responsibility now...God help me show others your world.

I believe part of my responsibility now is to raise awareness and motivate people to GO! As much as I would love to go back in the fall, I just found out I was pregnant, so things are being put off for a little while.....at least for nine months! So while I can't go, I must motivate. There is no real way to express what I have seen and what I have experienced, so my prayer is that the people of TrueNorth Church will feel this burden for the people who will go never know God if they are not reached in some way. The Holy Spirit is an amazing thing and can work even in just a smile. Feelings of inadequacy and "not enough time" are all excuses not to go. I'm probably not the best motivator.....my sales pitch is "Get over yourself....it's one week....no, it's not easy, but we, as children of God, aren't called to live comfortable lives....I promise you will never be the same!"

-Bethany